i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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