im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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