He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
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It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
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i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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