I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
