So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
