How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I am puke
Someone shit on the floor
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
