What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
