C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
