I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
