My hand turned me down
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
