his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
