I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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