i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
