so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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