When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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