2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
