Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
