508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
