My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
