I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
