she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
