i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
