My first STD was from a foam party
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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