moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
