i would punch a child for taco bell
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
