Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
