If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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