i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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