I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
