Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
