Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
