her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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