You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
