I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
