Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
