you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
