The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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