I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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