just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
