Even the bartender felt bad for me
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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