It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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