..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
