My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
