I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
