brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
