I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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