I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
