if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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