Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
