So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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