I think I died a long time ago.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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