What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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