Swine flu. Run for my life!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
