meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
