She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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