I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
