If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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