God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
