My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
