All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
