when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
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THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
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Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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