Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
