dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
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Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
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wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize