i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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