just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
