I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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