Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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