you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
