Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
