an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
