I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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