Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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