Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
