I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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