I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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