I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
