god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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