you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
