we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
