3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
