i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
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all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
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dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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