so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
