I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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