fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
