That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
