don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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