Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
What drink are we having for lunch?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
